I Think of (my) Future

Artwork by Alessandro Mulya

At times, I think the best of times…and sometimes, it consists of my future. And what better time to reflect on your life and the quarter life crisis than the quarter of my life itself?

Even with all the unexpected situations arising, some things remain the same. Some things were expected to change. And some others, we wish it differently. So let me recap life on my own glasses of regretful repercussions and delightful accidents.

During the most heated moments of life — we tend to break. And by “heated”, I don’t really mean a Mexican shooting standoff or organizing a prison break. I mean the daily things that came out wrong. The one-sided love, the scolding from your supervisor, the missing sock from the laundromat, the wrong topic of a conversation — yeah, those kind of heated moments.

Sure, they were past. But some things can be learned from, evading us from what might have happen in the future…because no matter how we say that things are to be treated differently, some things are as similar as you might think. And one way to enhance those thoughts was to experience it yourself. I learned it the hard way.

It was a regret that sometimes occur in my mind, years unto the future. I still think about all those stupid things I have done five years before, and how much I want to change those things…maybe those things can really set a different course for me going forward.

But maybe not.

And that’s the point.

I really want to change things, but no matter how much I try to bend back time, no matter how hard I regret it to all eternity, no matter how many sleep I have lost for it, it will not change.

That’s where the future comes in — I know, I make a great opening speech, right? ( please don’t hate me ) — and the future lies all the great things that will happen. Believe me, it will.

But how can I be so sure of things that are floating in these infinite universes as a predicament of a surefire shot, 100% chance of hitting it? Because like the heated moments that happen regularly in our life, the awesome moments also happen on a daily basis.

I still remember the best nights happen from a morning I never knew the ending for. I still remember the pending goodbyes, but I left with a warm hug with everyone. I still remember the regular old days spiced up with a little bravery comes a long, long way.

I think of my future as a blessing — either in disguise, either fully cloaked in black, or neither of those — I like to think of the good times that awaits me in the future…and how much I can count on myself for making those happen. And that’s the thing. You can also count on yourself to make the best days happen.

I think of my future as a railroad track — with me inside the train, not knowing what station is it or where my stop will be. Sometimes I take a detour and enjoy the view, sometimes I take a small break at a local town and made a bestfriend for life. The times on the train is also great, but the things that happen in between the routine of waiting for the next stop is what makes life exciting.

I think of my future as an empty house — no matter what size I end up on, how the room placements might be, I better make a good use of it. Of the decorations, of the furniture, of the wall paint, of the trinkets, of the framed pictures of loved ones, and all the silly, lovable mistakes. I know one thing is that I still love my house no matter what. The others have the greener grass but I have a home, and I know they think the same too.

There were times that I thought to myself, “Damn, I reached this age already?! I’m wasting my life!”, but yeah, I couldn’t of a better place to be and better situation for myself. Sure, I could imagine myself being a millionaire, but that kind of defeat the purpose of reality, and that is not happening anyway ( although it’s good to daydream sometimes, though ).

I am repeating the same phase, but there were leftovers from last time though. Mostly me. And this “me” I am carrying will last for a lifetime, probably even more, which is why the future of me will be the thought of a lifetime. Is that good? Wonderful, if I might say. To have the entire library of a brain dedicated entirely to me, with all of it’s bizarre trivia and interesting tidbits about myself, known only to me — and what’s better, you can share those facts that you hold dearly to yourself for other people that you call dear someday, too.

Future carries a little bit more than what I can say personally, because it has this “mystery” factor. Who knows what knows whom knows how is limited to our brain capability of understanding the universe. Cool, isn’t it? Yeah, that was also a killer closing speech ( please don’t hate me still ).



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