Belittled by Social Media, Stands Tall Still

Artwork by Alessandro Mulya

Too many times was I too insecure about my social media. I am somehow confident in myself, but still, those feelings of uploading a little bit of myself to the world still prove to be too hard to be done sometimes. I am battling myself with a barrage of thoughts.

“Wait — wasn’t I invited them on this vacation? Aren’t they going to be offended?”

“Isn’t this the same shirt that he always liked? Am I being unnecessarily a jerk?”

“Is this photo even need to be posted? Who is going to care about it? It seems like I’m going to be the only one that love it.”

And so it goes. Of all the thousands of thought that lingers in my head, only several of them really made it out of my head and goes straight unto the social media. But even that one has went numerous revisions and multiple occasions of doubts.

I am recently making an Instagram account — after many years of friends being in disbelief and families unable to tag me, the time has finally come to show my handsome face ( at least according to my mom, that is ). That’s where all my insecurity starts.

“Is it too late for me to start a new account — now? Of all times? My friends has had like hundreds of followers, and I have to start from zero.”

“Is my photo looked a little bit too fat? Am I getting old?”

Such thoughts were, of course, from yours truly, but there is a certain level of freedom you can achieve with an anonymous account venting all your heart’s trapped emotions. Sure, you can achieve that with a normal account that has all your connections in it, but it felt…personal.

Yes. Yes, we all have a façade we all need to maintain — after all, I too wouldn’t show my crying tears to the public that easily. It can only lead to gossips and badmouths. But isn’t that kind of the point with social media nowadays? To be truly you?

Social media has been a two-sided blade phenomenon. On one side, I remember the first day I made my Instagram ( I was 23 years old ) and finally notice how much I missed! But nothing is too late as they say, and surely enough, I said hi to my old friends and make way for new ones. But a week later, I was as nervous as ever to post on my account which were kind of…odd? Isn’t this my personal blog? Why should I be like that? And I know some of the reasons that made me like this.

In an era full of likes and comments, to start anew could be somehow difficult. I keep comparing myself to all my friends that has thousands of followers already, all with fully knowing that social media isn’t about followers. Although some prefer to keep their circle compact and private by privatizing their accounts, it’s not always the case. You know, I want to be known but also not want to be known. Sharing cute pictures I took of some stray cats on the street but not be judged about why am I not adopting it. But sometimes, all of the replies said that the cat looked cute. Sometimes, all the hate comments are all in our heads.

But what if it’s not? What if a real account, a real human being, actually take their time to write something that is hurtful to you without you ever doing any wrong? For me, that’s where all the bad sides of the social media goes right back at you with full speed. To reply to their comment is not wise — to ignore it? Also not. Suffice to say if you have enough breath left in your tiring day to reply to a hateful comment, then by all means do it. But if you decide otherwise, that replying is a waste of time, that is also a right thing to do. Don’t fight hate with hate, but instead, take a second off your phone, catch some night air ( or morning air, depends ), and just let that hateful comment never get the best of you. They just not worth your time, anyway.

I spent the last two decade going off the grid and I know, sometimes the urge to see all the life of the people you care about is by all means so rewarding, so wholesome, and no matter what caught you for using social media until this very moment, I hope only good things to happen to both of you — that is you and your account, of course.




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Alessandro Mulya

Alessandro Mulya

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